In 1992, I completed my service as an Instrument Fitter in the Indian Air Force. My pre-release training was in Export Management. Having been trained across multiple technical trades, including hands-on calibration of Canberra flight simulator, working on vacuum tube operated analog computers and using the line printers of the IAF mainframe computers back in the 1980s, I never thought of building a matrimonial institution until some incidents in my life set me on this course.
I was deeply pained by dowry negotiations during the marriage alliance of a family member.
My proactive response to that pain took me to ICTA, where I learned Transactional Analysis (TA) from the Father of TA in India, Rev. Fr. George Kandathil - himself a disciple of a disciple of Dr. Eric Berne, who introduced TA to the world. My further learning in computers, astrology software and my involvement in social activities eventually led me to introduce a new Matrimonial Culture in our community.
What began on March 1st, 1996 in Ernakulam, as albums of photos and biodata of young candidates seeking marriage, soon became a daily experience of contempt and ridicule. Society then looked upon matrimonial service as something almost unholy, ക്ഷുദ്രം/മ്ലേച്ഛം
After months of such humiliation and struggle, I managed to get a job in the US on an H-1B Visa and left.
My father, Late Shri K. C. Chandy, Retired Deputy Director of Education, Government of Kerala, took over the Family Welfare Centre in my absence. He is the one who gave this mission its soul and its compass:
Educating and Uniting the Right Man with the Right Woman.
After fifteen months, not a single marriage had been arranged through us despite spending all our savings. I came back from the US on leave with a clear plan to close down the matrimonial.
I invited all the parents who had registered till then to return their papers with heartfelt apologies. It was at that farewell gathering that a miracle happened.
A retired college principal in the audience asked me to introduce all the parents to each other. While we were having tea, two fathers came forward and said they had reached an understanding. If their children also agree, they would conduct the marriage.
That first alliance, born out of a meeting meant to close us down, changed everything. When I shared my wonder - with my father “Oh My God, it took fifteen months of pain and struggle for us to get a single result!”, he replied with words that became our guiding truth:
“There is no gain without pain.”
I did not return to America. I surrendered my H-1B and my dollar salary and stayed back to carry this crusade forward. Later, we started such meetings regularly and called it “Vaivahika Sangamam”. Our 300th Sangamam is scheduled for 25th October 2026.
Beside me, through every storm, stood my late wife, Ex-Major Gourikutty. With military discipline and a mother’s heart, she led from the front like a commander, until she laid down her arms in July 2016 after a final brave battle with brain tumour.
Our children, Alexander and Chinnu, grew up right in the centre of this crusade. They saw me carrying heavy slide projectors and film slides on night trains to Kozhikode for our second-Saturday Sangamams. They have seen our rented offices filled with anxious parents and hopeful hearts.
They have also seen our struggle to earn our daily bread. There were many evenings they had to keep complete silence at home, because their father was burning his heart and brain to write the next article for the editorial, with words, stories, or incidents to console some members in distress. And once it was ready for print, they debated it, criticised it, and congratulated it.
My writing journey truly began after I met Gouri on a train. She was working in Pune and I was in Hyderabad. We began writing long letters to each other over many months, forging a deep, unshakable bond. Gouri saved over a hundred of these letters. Though Gouri left us in July 2016 and these letters were lost to the 2018 floods, what we wrote in each other’s hearts remain forever.
A tip to our youngsters:
In this age of instant messages, try writing a real love letter by hand. It takes time, thought, and patience and that is precisely why the person who receives it will treasure it for a lifetime.
Over these years, I wrote nearly 300 articles on marriage and family in Malayalam.
Why Malayalam? From the 5th standard onwards, I was an insatiable reader. By the time I reached Pre-Degree, I had read irrespective of topic, all the Malayalam books in my school library, my college library, and all the public libraries around our house.
Many of our members would then earnestly ask me, “Our children are not fluent in Malayalam, do you have any English books?” As a first effort I produced the audio of those articles and posted Youtube videos with this content for the benefit of those not fluent in reading Malayalam.
Today, at the threshold of our 300th Vaivahika Sangamam, I look back with deep gratitude, because the Cosmic Director has provided another solution to this question through my own daughter.
This Fifth Handbook, ”Never Stop Smiling at the Rainbow,” is a reflection from the journey of life, written by my daughter,Chinnu, from her own experience and exposure. I am most pleased that God has gifted her not only the insight to see solutions to complex life situations, but also with the grace to write about them in beautiful English for the next generation.
My daughter, Chinnu George, a Rank Holder Chartered Accountant, brings to Bethlehem a rare blend of analytical rigour and profound psychological depth. Beyond spearheading our website development, digital strategy and financial governance, her reflective essays form the very core of this handbook, offering touching perspectives on family, belongingness, conflict repair and shared purpose in marriage.
My daughter-in-law, Raisa Alexander is another strong pillar of Bethlehem. Holding a B.Tech in Computer Science and an MBA in Operations, Raisa consciously chose to step away from corporate life and bring her structured precision to this mission. She leads our day-to-day operations, staff mentorship and client care, ensuring every family receives empathetic and seamless support.
To me, the continuous rainbow on this book cover symbolizes a timeless truth: even when storms arise and we feel isolated or turned away from each other, we still remain bound under the same sky of hope, empathy and grace. Marriages are not mere transactions; they are living bonds, built, repaired and cherished, right here on earth.
So Never Stop Smiling at the Rainbow, it may be your life partner, your family, your children or simply your joy in existence. I pray that, you may see that at the other end when you open and read this book.
As a founder, a veteran, and above all, as a father, I hand you this book with deep pride in the generation that now stands alongside me in this crusade and I pray that its words lend light and strength to your home.
